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Buffy: Like Slaying Vampires Is Totally A Drag

Posted February 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm by The_X_Gurl

So I know I said I would do Giant Shark vs Giant Octopus but I’ve been busy so you’re getting Buffy.

For those who are just now coming from an amish town or their rock, buffy is a series created by Joss Whedon, first as a movie then as a series (earning one spin off too) and then a comic that is still going. I’m not going to talk of the show or the comics now. THIS review is going to be on the movie.

Without further ado, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

The movie opens with a quick explanation of the Slayer. For those who do not know what a slayer is let me break it down for you: the slayer is ALWAYS female. There is only one slayer per generation unless the slayer dies then a new one is born. Most don’t live to see their adulthood because of how dangerous the job is. They have what is called a watcher. Someone who trains and educates the slayer on how to slay vampires and demons. In the movie-verse the Slayer has a mole as a birth mark to identify them to their watchers.

After this introduction, we see Donald Sutherland and Kristen Swanson dressed up as if they’re going to a renaissance fair. They talk slayer talk then Kristen holds a dagger after being proclaimed a slayer and then we cut to…-sigh- A pom pom in the air. Yes that’s right a pom pom. We then zoom to a perky blond cheerleader, Kristen Swanson, doing a, you guessed it, routine to an old early 90′s late 80′s pop/rap number. After this a game of basket ball begins only to have it change yet again to a shopping mall.

I’m not going to describe the whole movie but let me say this, as a female who lives in California I feel insulted that most of you guys don’t know the difference between Southern California and Northern California. The type of girls you see in this movie are the typical SoCal girl. Rich, pretty and spoiled. While not all of Southern Cali is like that, the OC, Beverly Hills type of girl are. Northern california has hipster/hippie/ghetto type of girls. With a few gamer girls such as myself around there too. So when people like Katty Perry write songs based on So’Cal girls I get pissed because NOT ALL CALIFORNIA GIRLS DO THAT! ONLY THE STUPID HILLS/OC GIRLS! It’s the same with guys too…I’m gonna stop my rant now…

This movie is cult material, with teen horror written all over it and honestly? It does a good job for the time it came out. It’s a bit teeth grinding if you watch it in this era because you just wanna slap them for being stupid and they get credit for having Pee-Wee Herman be a creepy vampire. This movie for me is a solid 5 out of 10 because as annoying as the stereotypical valley girl thing it DID pave the way for the series and that was pretty bad ass.

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Dead Alive: Peter Jackson Directed This?!

Posted February 23, 2011 at 3:01 pm by The_X_Gurl

And I’m back again! This time with what has to be the most disgusting and disturbing movie ever. And that’s a lot coming from someone who enjoys these things and wants to be a special effects make-up artist. What am I talking about? Why Dead Alive of course!

Directed by Peter Jackson, before his Lord of the Rings obviously, this movie is raunchy, disturbing and will make you cringe at just how much gross factor they could fit.

The plot is a bit weird. A rat monkey was taken from it’s home in Africa by the white man and apparently carries a disease that brings the dead to life, or something like that. The film itself is set in the 1940s-1950s in believe it or not, New Zealand. Yes the same place they made Lord of the Rings was also where he made this movie.

Our hero is a man named Lionel who lives in fancy mansion with his mother. Our heroine is a Latina woman named Paquita. Paquita learns that she is destined for Lionel and stalks him until he agrees to a date at the zoo. Now the mom is a bat shit insane jealous woman and stalks them on their date. She gets bitten and then dies. Of course then she comes back as a zombie with pus and all.

Now before she dies, she gets ill, should’ve mentioned it earlier, but anyways Paquita decides to come over with a dog. She goes to help Lionel pack a night bag for his mom when you hear a crash and the dog barking. The two run up to see what’s up and all you see is blood everywhere and the pus filled disgusting mother with a tail sticking out from her mouth. Lionel pulls on the tail and reveal that’s all there is left thus giving birth to the second best line EVER: ‘Your mother ate my dog!!’ Now I can’t really write how she says it but oh my god, if you don’t laugh at that then you seriously need to see someone. So when the mother dies, there’s a funeral in which we meet douche bag American uncle, pompadour and all. After a few more embarrassing scenes of people thinking Lionel is a necrophilia, we cut to Lionel digging out his mom only to be confronted by a gang of guys. They all get infected but only one really lives. Amidst the fighting the preacher comes to help our hero bringing the BEST line ever: ‘I kick ass for the Lord!’ Again I can’t exaggerate on them as well as the actors but this line was just so funny that again, you’d have to have no soul not to laugh.

So Lionel takes the priest, his mom and the gang leader home and cares for them. The nurse who was the one who declared the mom dead is turned to. So as he feeds them, the uncle comes back. Lionel not wanting to get caught, offers up the house and some of the money. Douche bag takes the offer when we hear some…noises. The priest and the nurse are doing it. Yes you heard me. The PRIEST and THE NURSE ARE HAVING SEX IN THE KITCHEN. I’ll give you a moment to soak it in.

A few days later the nurse has a baby. Yes again I’ll let this soak in: the nurse has a zombie baby. And let me tell you, this is the ugliest f—ing thing ever. Lionel takes it out for a stroll, because that’s total what you do with zombie babies, expose it to the outside world. The baby is free and Lionel abuses the f–k out of it, earning him odd looks. Paquita meanwhile is seeing another man named Roger who doesn’t like Lionel and says that he’s a freak. Disheartened he goes home only to find that douche bag uncle threw a party. The zombies get loose, change almost everyone and thus begins the killing spree. Now I wont give too much away but the mom turns into a hideous creature that Lionel and Paquita kill and the two walk away from the now burning mansion and go off to live happily ever after.

This movie was so…ugh. I shudder when I think about it. It’s gross, creepy and disturbing. What the hell Jackson? What the hell were you on when you made this film? My ratings are as the following: Overall: 6.5 out of 10
Gross factor: 11 out of 10
Scary Factor: 7.5 out of 10
Effects factor: 8.5 out of 10

If you love watching these kind of movies then this is DEFINITELY the movie for you.

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A Very Zombie Holiday – From Team Unicorn

Posted December 22, 2010 at 8:53 pm by Jeffrey

What would happen if a zombie outbreak were too occur right now? Would we be prepared? Luckily for us the great people at Team Unicorn have put together an instructional video on how to be ready for a zombie outbreak, and still keep from ruining our pies this holiday season. The video is starring Rileah Vanderbilt, Michele Boyd, Milynn Sarley, Clare Grant and many more. Thank you team unicorn for giving us such a great gift.

From the folks at Team Unicorn and For The Dead Travel Fast, we wish you “A Very Zombie Holiday”.

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The ‘Evidence’ is in

Posted December 22, 2010 at 8:15 pm by Jeffrey


If you’re already waiting for the next parnormal activity type film you may be in store for it in 2011. According to IMDB

“Ryan is making a documentary on his friend, Brett, about camping for the first time. However, once they begin camping, they discover that there is a mysterious figure that is hunting them. ”

Evidence may be a huge disappointment but it was made with reportedly a little over $12,000, so we shall see.

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A Look Ahead at The Walking Dead Season 2

Posted December 20, 2010 at 5:38 pm by Jeffrey

If you’re a fan of the walking dead you are going to have a long wait until the second season of The Walking Dead, which premiers next October, but For The Dead Travel fast has a sneak peak of what might be in store on season 2 of The Walking Dead

You can watch more videos on The Walking Dead at AMC TV

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BOGGY DEPOT RECAP

Posted December 17, 2010 at 8:14 pm by Jeffrey
This is a post taken from a guy I’m a big fan of. His name is Cullan Hudson and he investigates a lot of paranormal activity around Oklahoma. Below is an article on Big Foot. You can read all the article below on For The Dead Travel Fast or you can read it on his site Strange State.

The Sky EruptsI arrived late the first evening to the forested hills and hollows around Atoka, OK. A fat sky sank low over the region, threatening storms at the slightest upset, but it made for a beautiful drive to this remote town almost two hours southeast of Oklahoma City. The foliage lately has slowly been turning those autumnal shades that always seem somehow more spectacular against bilious heather skies.

That night, eleven miles outside town, at the Boggy Depot State Park, an evening of Bigfoot related movies was underway. It was a meet-n-greet for the guests and attendees and quite the success, as I learned the following morning.

The day held promise as I arrived early the next day. It was cool and sunny and looked to be the best of all possible conditions, save for some annoying winds that buffetted the tarps surrounding the covered picnic area that would serve as the main arena. With an ad-hoc podium, congregational rows of chairs, and a tented-in pavilion, the whole event felt like a camp revival for Bigfooters. If only I knew that soon I would witness the speaking of tongues.

Local Choctaw DancersWithin a short period, other vendors began showing up: a man selling Bigfoot t-shirts, the delightful aroma of food filled the air, and a large moon bounce was erected for the kiddos. Drumming and singing was heard from a contingent of Choctaw men and women, dressed in traditional garb.

Attendees settled in quickly and early. Despite a late start, all eyes were focused on Randy Harrington and Darren Lee as they delved into the intricacies of hunting for this elusive creature. Then it was Brit Nick Redfern’s turn. He talked about various unknown beasts from the UK as well as Texas, where he now resides. His current book is about these various strange animals from Texas legends. It was co-authored by Ken Gerhard, who was also in attendance. When their back-to-back talks were concluded, it signaled a break in the day’s events and devotees flocked to the two men like groupies to rock stars.

During the morning, the sun slowly receded and a roiling charcoal sky filled its absence. The wind picked up, tearing through the trees and sending a shower of golden leaves fleeing only moments before the heavens erupted. The rain fell in periodic torrents for the next several hours. Many attendees scurried with sudden urgency to the vendor tents that had thus far gone somewhat ignored. Ah, to be in such sudden demand.

When the talks resumed, the crowd was still holding strong even if a few had been washed away down stream. A retired Navy crypto-linguist, R. Scott Nelson, introduced neophytes to the lost language of Sasquatch – to the amusement of some. It was hard to ignore how funny this grunting, gutteral language sounded when he would parrot what had just been heard on an audio file. I can’t describe it other than to say it bore more than a passing resemblance to Klingon. And while I was left with questions (namely how rudimentary translations of discreet sounds can be established without visual context), I daresay not a soul was bored with the presentation.

We heard from cartoonist Robert Swain, known for his popular Laughsquatch comics. If you’re not familiar with them, think a Farside take on Bigfoot.

New Zealander, Daniel Falconer, who is an artist with the visual effects company WETA (known for their work on several Peter Jackson projects, including Lord of the Rings and King Kong), showed the audience some behind the scenes footage of how these movie monsters are made. His presentation was compelling because this is a company that, with millions of dollars, can make a believable hoax. This stands as a strong argument against the common thought that you can just throw on a monkey suit and fool people. As an example, he showed a commercial for a New Zealand search and rescue outfit that utilized a Yeti costume the company had designed. It cost more than $25,000 dollars to create but was still obviously fake. While the body looked very good, the facial features just gave it away.

Hobbit Foot Close UpHe also passed around a latex foot of a “Hobbit” (worn by one of the principle actors in the films) that was remarkable for its degree of detail. It had dermal ridges, a cracked toenail, calluses… These are details that would never have translated to screen, but they were there. Ostensibly, these are added to increase the degree of verisimilitude both for the actors portraying the characters and for the off chance Jackson needed a closeup shot of a foot. But what amazes me is that these artists had no problem fashioning a believeable foot – and frankly one more believable than half the casts out there right now. If this silicone foot had been stamped into some muddy soil, I can guarantee you it would send shockwaves. But it wouldn’t have been real. I think that’s definitely something worth pondering.

By the time I got up to speak, much of the crowd had left. Whether driven out by the nonstop rain or maybe I just didn’t hold their interest, I won’t speculate. I’d like to think I entertained those few left. Microphone problems had me dusting off some old theater skills in projecting my voice over the wind and weather. I hope everyone managed to catch an earful of my tales of Bigfoot, Thundebirds, and mysterious alligator-headed beasts that walk on two legs.

Row of Old TombstonesConcluding the lineup of guests were members of Paranormal Investigations of North Texas. Sharing EVP’s, videos, and still images from their various haunted excursions, the team had the fewest attendees, but this was probably beneficial since it allowed everyone to gather in close to hear their various audio files. One of the interesting events that happened to them occurred only the night before as they investigated a cemetery close by. Filled with Civil War Era stones, the cemetery is a gorgeous spot to rest for eternity. However, it was a far newer grave that yielded an EVP of a little girl’s voice calling out “Momma?”

The day’s events concluded with dinner from Bigfoot Bar-B-Q and an auction of Bigfoot track casts, books, collectors items, and a framed print from King Kong (complete with two spent shells collected from a gunfight in the movie) that was supplied by Daniel Falconer.

I have been assured that another is already in the works for next year. I’m glad. Despite the torrents of rain, it was still a very successful event with some interesting speakers in a lovely part of the state. I look forward to returning to Boggy Depot next year.

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Ghost Caught By Dog

Posted April 29, 2010 at 11:43 am by Jeff

This video is one of the more believable ghost documentations I’ve ever seen. There are no clear edit marks in the video or visible human shadows. I’m always a skeptic first, but I personally think this one is real!

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Class 3 Outbreak. Advanced Zombie Outbreak Simulator

Posted April 2, 2010 at 9:32 am by Ntacman
Class 3 Outbreak, Advanced Zombie Outbreak simulator.

Class 3 Outbreak, Advanced Zombie Outbreak simulator.

While messing around yesterday, I found something called Class 3 Outbreak. Turns out, it was a Zombie Outbreak simulator. Now, I was expecting one of those “Zombie Survival simulators” Where the zombies were green pixels, and the civilians were pink. Imagine my suprise when I got treated to a fully graphical out break simulator. And even more surprising, was the features.

Features

  • Graphics!
  • Policemen
  • Armed civilians
  • Uses google maps, so you have a physical location.
  • Complete control over every variable. Armed civilian spawn %, accuracy %, Etc etc.

Cons

  • Its limited to Washington DC. That means you can’t choose your hometown :(

All in all, Binary Space did a great job on this outbreak simulator! And with only 2 people! Good job, Binary space!

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Haunted Location and Sponsors

Posted March 31, 2010 at 11:36 pm by Agent_00_Siccness

I’ve neglected this site a lot this year simply because I’ve needed to make an income but within the next month or two I’m planning on working on the site full time and needing your help. If you would like to place advertisements, sponsor, or donate to my site please let me know.

I am planning on traveling the country visiting festivals, haunted locations, indie horror film premiers and film productions.  If you would like to make a donation or even simply just give some tips of where I need to go this summer please let me know. I’m also in need of a nice camera to film the haunted locations for you guys here.

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Can Zombies Run?

Posted March 31, 2010 at 11:25 pm by Jeff

Do Zombies Run? If you’re reading this article chances are you’ve had the discussion. Do zombies run? I thought it was something interesting enough to write about here.  Feel free as always to comment and make fun of me if you’d like :) .

I have always enjoyed the Romero Zombie, the slow zombie. I know the argument the fast, agile, strong zombie is much more terrifying but is it realistic or as realistic as we can get for a discussion on zombies. There are several factors to look into when discussing this topic. For one, what happens when a human turns?  Rigor Mortis sets in on average around 3 to 4 hours after death. This statement alone would in some peoples opinions cause them to believe zombies can not run, but there is something they are all missing. Rigor Mortis ceases after about 24 – 72 hours.

If as some believe a person is slowly being turned to a zombie as they are closer to death, wouldn’t this also start up the Rigor Mortis process? So couldn’t a zombie start out slow, speed slightly up once Rigor Mortis ceases and then slow down again once the body completely breaks down?

My personal belief is there is way to much against the zombie to allow them to even have a nice stride. If its a real zombie, a person who dies and comes back, and not a rage virus like on 28 days later.. I do not believe we have to worry about “runners”.  Depending on body type, ie. leg size, I think we can safely assume most can out run a zombie. The only things to keep in mind is a zombie has no endurance limits and we still don’t know how long a zombie will take until it fully breaks down. Can we find a safe place and wait out the zombie apocalypse?

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