So I know I said I would do Giant Shark vs Giant Octopus but I’ve been busy so you’re getting Buffy.

For those who are just now coming from an amish town or their rock, buffy is a series created by Joss Whedon, first as a movie then as a series (earning one spin off too) and then a comic that is still going. I’m not going to talk of the show or the comics now. THIS review is going to be on the movie.

Without further ado, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

The movie opens with a quick explanation of the Slayer. For those who do not know what a slayer is let me break it down for you: the slayer is ALWAYS female. There is only one slayer per generation unless the slayer dies then a new one is born. Most don’t live to see their adulthood because of how dangerous the job is. They have what is called a watcher. Someone who trains and educates the slayer on how to slay vampires and demons. In the movie-verse the Slayer has a mole as a birth mark to identify them to their watchers.

After this introduction, we see Donald Sutherland and Kristen Swanson dressed up as if they’re going to a renaissance fair. They talk slayer talk then Kristen holds a dagger after being proclaimed a slayer and then we cut to…-sigh- A pom pom in the air. Yes that’s right a pom pom. We then zoom to a perky blond cheerleader, Kristen Swanson, doing a, you guessed it, routine to an old early 90′s late 80′s pop/rap number. After this a game of basket ball begins only to have it change yet again to a shopping mall.

I’m not going to describe the whole movie but let me say this, as a female who lives in California I feel insulted that most of you guys don’t know the difference between Southern California and Northern California. The type of girls you see in this movie are the typical SoCal girl. Rich, pretty and spoiled. While not all of Southern Cali is like that, the OC, Beverly Hills type of girl are. Northern california has hipster/hippie/ghetto type of girls. With a few gamer girls such as myself around there too. So when people like Katty Perry write songs based on So’Cal girls I get pissed because NOT ALL CALIFORNIA GIRLS DO THAT! ONLY THE STUPID HILLS/OC GIRLS! It’s the same with guys too…I’m gonna stop my rant now…

This movie is cult material, with teen horror written all over it and honestly? It does a good job for the time it came out. It’s a bit teeth grinding if you watch it in this era because you just wanna slap them for being stupid and they get credit for having Pee-Wee Herman be a creepy vampire. This movie for me is a solid 5 out of 10 because as annoying as the stereotypical valley girl thing it DID pave the way for the series and that was pretty bad ass.

And I’m back again! This time with what has to be the most disgusting and disturbing movie ever. And that’s a lot coming from someone who enjoys these things and wants to be a special effects make-up artist. What am I talking about? Why Dead Alive of course!

Directed by Peter Jackson, before his Lord of the Rings obviously, this movie is raunchy, disturbing and will make you cringe at just how much gross factor they could fit.

The plot is a bit weird. A rat monkey was taken from it’s home in Africa by the white man and apparently carries a disease that brings the dead to life, or something like that. The film itself is set in the 1940s-1950s in believe it or not, New Zealand. Yes the same place they made Lord of the Rings was also where he made this movie.

Our hero is a man named Lionel who lives in fancy mansion with his mother. Our heroine is a Latina woman named Paquita. Paquita learns that she is destined for Lionel and stalks him until he agrees to a date at the zoo. Now the mom is a bat shit insane jealous woman and stalks them on their date. She gets bitten and then dies. Of course then she comes back as a zombie with pus and all.

Now before she dies, she gets ill, should’ve mentioned it earlier, but anyways Paquita decides to come over with a dog. She goes to help Lionel pack a night bag for his mom when you hear a crash and the dog barking. The two run up to see what’s up and all you see is blood everywhere and the pus filled disgusting mother with a tail sticking out from her mouth. Lionel pulls on the tail and reveal that’s all there is left thus giving birth to the second best line EVER: ‘Your mother ate my dog!!’ Now I can’t really write how she says it but oh my god, if you don’t laugh at that then you seriously need to see someone. So when the mother dies, there’s a funeral in which we meet douche bag American uncle, pompadour and all. After a few more embarrassing scenes of people thinking Lionel is a necrophilia, we cut to Lionel digging out his mom only to be confronted by a gang of guys. They all get infected but only one really lives. Amidst the fighting the preacher comes to help our hero bringing the BEST line ever: ‘I kick ass for the Lord!’ Again I can’t exaggerate on them as well as the actors but this line was just so funny that again, you’d have to have no soul not to laugh.

So Lionel takes the priest, his mom and the gang leader home and cares for them. The nurse who was the one who declared the mom dead is turned to. So as he feeds them, the uncle comes back. Lionel not wanting to get caught, offers up the house and some of the money. Douche bag takes the offer when we hear some…noises. The priest and the nurse are doing it. Yes you heard me. The PRIEST and THE NURSE ARE HAVING SEX IN THE KITCHEN. I’ll give you a moment to soak it in.

A few days later the nurse has a baby. Yes again I’ll let this soak in: the nurse has a zombie baby. And let me tell you, this is the ugliest f—ing thing ever. Lionel takes it out for a stroll, because that’s total what you do with zombie babies, expose it to the outside world. The baby is free and Lionel abuses the f–k out of it, earning him odd looks. Paquita meanwhile is seeing another man named Roger who doesn’t like Lionel and says that he’s a freak. Disheartened he goes home only to find that douche bag uncle threw a party. The zombies get loose, change almost everyone and thus begins the killing spree. Now I wont give too much away but the mom turns into a hideous creature that Lionel and Paquita kill and the two walk away from the now burning mansion and go off to live happily ever after.

This movie was so…ugh. I shudder when I think about it. It’s gross, creepy and disturbing. What the hell Jackson? What the hell were you on when you made this film? My ratings are as the following: Overall: 6.5 out of 10
Gross factor: 11 out of 10
Scary Factor: 7.5 out of 10
Effects factor: 8.5 out of 10

If you love watching these kind of movies then this is DEFINITELY the movie for you.

If you’re already waiting for the next parnormal activity type film you may be in store for it in 2011. According to IMDB

“Ryan is making a documentary on his friend, Brett, about camping for the first time. However, once they begin camping, they discover that there is a mysterious figure that is hunting them. ”

Evidence may be a huge disappointment but it was made with reportedly a little over $12,000, so we shall see.

Paranormal Activity is scary as hell!! I went to see this a few weeks back and I wanted to post my thoughts on the movie.

I  couldn’t believe how this movie built up slowly and each time adding to the horror. It wasn’t a traditional blood and gore film but a subtle scary film. It keeps building and building right up to the very end.Its done very very well considering it was made in a week with $11,000.

The premise of the movie isn’t at all orignal, it was done by the blair witch project in 1999. The one difference from this movie and that one is they don’t try to hide the fact this is just a movie, they just go straight for the scare.

If you want to be scared watch this movie in theaters. Be prepared to be scared.

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

I never posted what I thought about Drag Me To Hell.. Well I will say I was not disappointed. It was great from the start to the end. It was a little more commercial than the Evil Dead trilogy but for this movie it worked. When the movie started reaching its climax it was very much in the form of Sam Raimi. I think the acting was perfect. Christine Brown does an amazing job making her character seem real. I think this movie is a buyer for sure.

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

I want to start by saying The Unborn wasn’t half bad. I think this has something to do with hearing from everyone that it sucked. I think the low expectations made me realize it was actual at some points scary and suspenseful. That being said I found the movie at points very formulaic.  It wasn’t the most original, but you can’t expect these types of movies to be. Overall I would say the acting was decent but contrived during certain scenes. The plot seemed to die towards the middle but started back up during the exorcism. I would give the movie 3 stars out of 5.

(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

Rob Zombie is in post production of his film H2. I have to admit I am very very excited. Walking out of the theatre after the first movie, I felt let down. I decided to see it again and I realized that this movie is great. What’s the point of watching the same movie we all know and love.

It was a re-imagining. This is how I feel about the second movie. I am a huge dork when it comes to Halloween and Myers theories but I really liked the first movie and I think I am going to really like the second movie. A lot of people are not used to the way Rob Zombie films are made, but in my opinion its a very raw awesome style that makes them so good.

If you didn’t like the first movie I have this to say. Rob, himself, said that he wasn’t satisfied with the movie. He wanted to make it two movies, but the studio wouldn’t approve that. I think given the circumstances this movie is even more legendary then the originals. I am positive I will get a ton of comments calling me crazy. I don’t care. I’ll just wait and see on August 28th.

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

“The Return to True Horror”…. and I couldn’t be more excited. I have always been a huge fan of the old school horror films. Night of The Living Dead, The last man on Earth, The Evil Dead trilogy, and the first couple Halloweens. I cannot wait for this to come out. The IMDB has the plot as “A loan officer ordered to evict an old woman from her home finds herself the recipient of a supernatural curse, which turns her life into a living hell. Desperate, she turns to a seer to try and save her soul, while evil forces work to push her to a breaking point.”

This one looks great.  I am a fanboy of these types of films so I may be a little biased but come May 29th we will see. Let me know what you think about this one.

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

Ok, so i must admit. I haven’t read the books nor do I plan too. I have pretty much only read Stephen King books. I have to admit, while I am not the biggest Vampire freak in the world, I did really enjoy it. The movie was amazing. It really caught my interest. We all pretty much know the story Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) falls in love with Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). Bella discovers Edward is a Vampire. Edward introduces Bella to the rest of Cullen Family, who happen to all be Vegetarian Vampires. An Evil Vampire tries to kill Bella and the Cullen family have to do all they can to save Bella.

The preview doesn’t do this movie justice. It really grabs your attention and the actors were all amazing. I honestly cant wait for the second.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

A free Movie to help get Vampire week going even further. This is one of the first older horror films I saw and I loved it. I never knew this would be remade into a movie called I Am Legend. In my opinion both were great, but today we are only talking about the last man on earth.

Dr. Robert Morgan (Vincent Price) is the last man on earth. The movie shows him going through the struggle of trying to ward off vampires and the horrible past. Its a great movie and it formed one of my favorite movies over 40 years later so i give it 5 out of 5 stars. Great great film.

You don’t get many actors like Vincent Price anymore.  Now, here is the complete 1964 film The Last Man on Earth.

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...